I came back to my usual residential location - specifically, what has been my residential address for the last 2+ years. The past 10 days I was in a different country - not very far, 3 hours flying time. I also led a different life - almost. I was on holiday from my job, which for me involved this time, attending a conference, “working” on my own projects in the library of a beautiful university, driving around, reading books and ending the day with a takeout from a small restaurant or a frozen meal from the supermarket and then microwaved, which I would then sit to lovingly consume with some media consumption.
I was free of the clock as well as the GPS. I was free of the compulsion to have a routine. one morning I woke up and just headed for a walk. another morning, I woke up and just headed for a day long road trip. other mornings, I would wake up, have my coffee/tea in bed and then go to the university library and work and read. I felt home in that university - the university of Otago, in Dunedin, New Zealand. I found myself surrounded by students and books. I don’t know what it is, but that environment is where I really felt like I was at home. I ended up reading the philosophy of boredom (I wasn’t bored, just tired and thought of checking it out, and ended up reading quite a bit). I have made my attempts at getting a PhD and an academic career, but it hasn’t happened - I didn’t quite realise how much I actually wanted that life, till off late.
Then, it was time to fly back and in a matter of hours, I wasn’t very far geographically, but very far from that life I led for 10 days. It’s getting close to 15 hours now since I arrived, and it’s slowly finally feeling like, my mind and body, both are feeling like, this is actually where I live, usually. When I first entered the apartment, I didn’t feel like, I was actually living here, till about 10 days back and I have been living here for 2+ years. Finally, slowly, gradually, it’s all getting in sync.
I first heard Dido’s life for rent many years back. However, it’s only in the last few weeks I have realised when I decided to listen to Dido once again, that those lyrics speak to me: https://genius.com/Dido-life-for-rent-lyrics
I haven't ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I am not sure what I would have done if I didn’t have the cats who I am going to once again have with me in a couple of week’s time. Would I have stayed in this city? country? With me, I will never know. And I don’t need to know.
What ever it is now, is exactly how it is supposed to be, no different.